WITH BEZOARS AND GECKOS FOR ALL
A somewhat toned-down version of this editorial appeared in
Clinical Practice of Alternative Medicine 1(2):80, summer 2000
Therapeutic
foods are an old idea in Oriental medicine, but
entrepreneurs in Asia's ethnic Chinese
communities have given the
idea a new flavor--or so reports The
Wall Street Journal.
Medicinal restaurants are now thriving
all over Asia.
To put it
succinctly, the difference between a medicinal
restaurant and an ordinary one is that
your maitre d' does not
merely recommend certain dishes, he prescribes
them. Therapeutic
meals might include chicken and
sea-horse stew for swollen neck
glands, gecko lizards and chicken soup
for anemia, and coconut
milk with swallow's nest as an
aphrodisiac.
I cannot guess how
long it will take American health-food
restaurants to pick up on this
trend, but I rather hope it does
not happen soon. I know we will
find some way to screw it up.
For instance, if
eating at a medicinal restaurant is
therapeutic, then shouldn't it
be covered by health insurance? Of
course! So, everyone's
insurance premiums will go up. This
will boost the national economy
through fuller employment,
because your restaurateur will
need to double his staff in order
to submit claims to dozens of
insurance companies--unless he
signs up with an HMO, in which
case his menu will be restricted
to a few easily-prepared
dishes. Too bad if you needed
the stir-fried scorpion on
prawn toast--it's not a benefit of
your plan.
Some ingredients are
far more expensive than others. Medical
ethicists will debate fiercely
over who truly merits shark fin, and
who must go without. And at
what point would a bitter-sweet wine
of ginseng and deer penis cease
to be cost-effective? Moreover,
who should pull the plug (so to
speak) on stewed bezoars? The
economic security of an entire
generation of busy-bodies and
bean-counters will thus be
assured.
The FDA will thrive
as never before. Federal agents and
local law enforcement, guns at
the ready, will conduct frequent
raids of eateries suspected of
serving experimental sauces,
substandard ginseng, or the
viscera of endangered species.
Finally, some social
engineer at a major university will
proclaim that medicinal food is
a basic human right. Dutifully,
the Supreme Court will discover
that right tucked away in some
obscure corner of the
Constitution. Then Congress will mandate
free therapeutic food for
everyone except the middle class, the
budget and power of Medicare
will expand exponentially, and none
of us will ever again go to bed
hungry--if only we can stomach it.
REFERENCE: Brauchli, MW: If
you are what you eat, this story is food for thought.
The Wall Street
Journal, 3/13/95, page 1.
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